So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
