Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
