I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
