I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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