went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
