did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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