my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
