your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
