Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
