do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
