We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
