Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
