Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
