She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
