If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
