I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
