I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize