If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
