k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
