tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
