So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
