I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
