White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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