im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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