Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
