i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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