My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
