ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They have beer where we have blood.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
