i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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