I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
