Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
