So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I cut my penus on the lid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
