OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
