So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
