i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
