I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
