you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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