barbara walters just said penis...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
