Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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