Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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