I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize