it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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