Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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