maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
