i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry about my life...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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