Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
