if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
