I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
