Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
