man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize