after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
