I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
