Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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