I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
