If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
