new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
