could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize