Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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