how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is wine microwaveable?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
