dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
