Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
