If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
