Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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