And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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