You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize