I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
