well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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