I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
