Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
