you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
