2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize