I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
